Humble Confidence
Written By Robb Stevens
Most people want to be more confident. Greater confidence can help build stronger relationships in business and on a personal level. It can also drive us to be more innovative, productive, and successful. When someone seems to lack confidence, they may come across as weak, and that could severely affect their relationships, career, and overall success. Too much confidence, however, projects arrogance, which can be just as detrimental as coming across weak. It seems another trait is needed to strike the delicate balance of appropriate confidence: humility
Humility is another interesting trait that tends to be an attractive quality but is every bit as complicated as confidence. Too much humility can make you invisible, but too little of it also leads to and projects arrogance.
I like the idea of humble confidence. When properly blended, these seemingly contrary virtues can be highly effective and attractive to others. Indeed, a humbly confident person is someone that others want to follow.
As pointed out in the book Why Leaders Fail by Peter Stark and Mary Kelly, the defining factor of a strong leader is rooted in the relationships he or she builds with followers, and how effectively [they] propel the organization toward achievement. Leaders sabotage themselves and their organizations if they allow confidence to give way to arrogance.
I like the idea of humble confidence. When properly blended, these seemingly contrary virtues can be highly effective and attractive to others. Indeed, a humbly confident person is someone that others want to follow.
What are some ways to nurture humble confidence and avoid/overcome toxic arrogance?
ADMIT MISTAKES AND TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY
Arrogant people rarely admit mistakes and try to deflect attention to others when they do. A truly confident and secure person readily admits when they make mistakes, learns from them, and takes accountability. Those with a demeanor of humble-confidence also set an example for those in their organization of healthy accountability. Authors Stark and Kelly point out that, “When the team makes a mistake, a strong leader accepts accountability for the mistake and takes responsibility for ensuring the problem never happens again. An arrogant leader would deny any wrongdoing…”
COMMUNICATE IN A RESPECTFUL WAY
There’s a quote that makes the rounds on social media quite often that simply says: “I was raised to treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO.” Indeed, my own parents taught me this exact lesson by example and still demonstrate it to this day. I wholeheartedly endorse this and would add that there is no place for haughtiness or condescension in the way anyone communicates to a perceived inferior. If we are respectful to others, we will earn their respect in return.
BE OPEN-MINDED AND WILLING TO LEARN FROM OTHERS
The height of arrogance is when a leader, or anyone else for that matter, believes and acts as if they know all the answers and are unwilling to accept input from others. This is a crucial mistake. As Stark and Kelly point out, “If arrogant leaders are defined by a belief that they no longer need to learn anything new, then humble leaders are defined as lifelong learners. Great leaders are continuously trying to figure out how they can improve in all areas of their lives.” Part of being open-minded is being humble enough to realize how much can be learned from others and accepting their input.
SHOW GRATITUDE AND GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE
I believe that true confidence leads to gratitude, and when kept in a healthy perspective, also gives way to recognizing those who contribute and go the extra mile. When the lights start shining, a humbly confident person is quick to shine it onto others. They genuinely credit family, co-workers, partners, and others for all of their accomplishments. Giving genuine praise doesn’t come natural to everyone, but it’s an excellent habit to develop that goes a long way with others. At home, at work, and in other areas of life, confident humility leads to recognizing and thanking those who make a positive difference in this world.
BE FORGIVING
All of us make mistakes. When those around us make mistakes, the best reaction is to forgive first, then work to understand context and learn appropriately from those mistakes. This approach will lead to better performance in the future, a better workplace, and improved relationships generally.
ASK FOR HONEST FEEDBACK AND ACT ON IT
Too often, as individuals ascend the corporate ladder, others become less inclined to provide feedback to them on their performance or demeanor. The only way that changes is if the ascending leader actively seeks it, invites it, and fosters a safe environment for providing it. If individuals are open to it and show a sincere desire to act on feedback they receive, others will let their guard down and it will build a collaborative culture.
RECOGNIZE WEAKNESSES
Everyone has them. A humbly confident person knows what they are and isn’t afraid to own them openly. They focus on what they do well and don’t try to be something they aren’t. When someone needs specific expertise in an area they may be weak at, a humbly confident person encourages them to go elsewhere and often knows exactly where to direct them.
ACKNOWLEDGE COMPETITION
To a humbly confident person, competitors are not viewed as threats. Rather, they are a benchmark to be measured against. They understand that competitors do some things well, but don’t fear comparison. In fact, they may even encourage it.
When individuals humbly work within their strengths, it can create phenomenal results. Gallup has reported that, “Employees who use their strengths are more engaged, perform better, are less likely to leave, and even boost the bottom line.”
Imagine how healthy and powerful the workplace could be if humility permeated the culture. Imagine how empowered employees and leaders would feel if they exuded a quiet confidence.
Imagine how healthy and powerful the workplace could be if humility permeated the culture.
With that in mind, people who exhibit these two important traits simultaneously are much more likely to excel both personally and professionally— especially when compared to someone who only cultivates one or the other, or even worse, someone who continually demonstrates arrogance or timidity.
Rather than trying to become more confident or humbler, take a step back and make sure there is a balance of both in your life. It is only when both confidence and humility are present in a person or a workplace culture that each individual is allowed to work from their strengths and find united success.
